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« goatsongs » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION NAKAHARA CHUUYA ✦ BUNGOU TO ALCHEMIST
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"Yo, it's Nakahara Chuuya. I'm way too busy to talk to you right now, so leave a message and I'll get back to you. Probably."

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[goatsongs]

[Chuuya listens. Satoko really, genuinely believes in what she's saying. She thinks she's being completely logical, completely reasonable. It makes everything much worse.

He doesn't answer. Instead, he steps into the kitchen, opens the fridge, and pulls out a full bottle of sake. He makes eye contact with her as he downs the entire thing.]

[loopsbian]

[ at first, she doesn't understand what it is he's doing. is he stepping away? is he giving in? she certainly hopes so. it's only when the kitchen opens, when the telltale clang of glass bottles echoes out and she reflexively claps her hands to her ears that she realizes what he's doing.

the brute. the idiot. why can't he see she's in the right?

slowly, she forces her arms back to her sides. after all, she is more than capable of powering through such things, no matter what he might believe. with all the venom she can muster, she says cleanly and precisely: ]

If your aim is to prove me wrong, you'll have to try much harder than that. [ she continues without breaking eye contact. ] Well? Will you raise your fist next?

[goatsongs]

Satoko's hatred of drunkards was born from - what, a dozen years of suffering?

[He's guessing, but really the shorter it is the more his point stands.]

At most it would take a dozen years to change it. If Satoko changed her mind about alcohol, no one would have to suffer. All I want is for her to be happy.

It's absurd, isn't it?

[loopsbian]

I did change it, you useless poet! [ her voice is sudden and explosive; the restrained expression she's been holding back this whole time contorts, fills with anger. ] I changed it the moment you said you wouldn't! Have I told you to stop drinking? Have I thrown you in the garbage? Did I stop coming to see you because I felt you were worth less than that fear?

[ she storms forward, grabbing the front of his vest as she continues to yell. ]

Or do you think the same way she does? That all the precious moments you've given me- [ her fist clutches tight, trembles in her anger. ] -that all of that is meaningless next to my discomfort?!

[goatsongs]

[Ah. She's screaming at him. He sets the empty bottle aside, and... gently pats her on the head.]

...Of course. Even after everything you've said, I still think you deserve better than me, Satoko. Or at least someone who doesn't do things he knows upset you because he can't get through the day without them.

[But that's more on him, really.]

[loopsbian]

[ she moves to swat his hand away... and stops halfway, balling her hands into fists instead. ]

Don't say such things. Besides, that isn't the point and you know it, you oaf.

[ she sighs after a moment, looking away from chuuya as the anger finally boils away. this whole situation is a mess, isn't it? it's beyond messy. but it isn't as if yelling at chuuya will solve anything, no matter how obtuse he might be. ]

...either way, it doesn't matter. [ she sounds almost sullen. ] I told you, didn't I? I don't intend to chase this down for some time. We couldn't go back to Hinamizawa even if I wanted to, so there's no point in doing such things right now.

[ if it sounds like an excuse... well, there's a good reason for that. ]

[goatsongs]

[Isn't it the point, though? That Satoko shouldn't have to suffer through that, and neither should Rika?]

Alright. There's nothing I can do about it either.

-But for as long as you're here, I promise you can confide in me. I might not always understand, but you're important to me.

[loopsbian]

There isn't. I'm glad you understand that.

[ it's a cruel, harsh thing to say. she feels bad just saying it. and when chuuya continues, she feels really bad. so she breathes in, and breathes out, and finally admits- ]

...I don't want to do it. [ it's hard to even say it. but once it's said, it continues to tumble out. ] I... I didn't think things would ever work out like this. Like they have here. But now that they have, I don't want to give that up.

[ her fists clench at her sides. ]

Is it so wrong to just want things to stay like this for now?

[goatsongs]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Anyone would rather have their important person stay with them without - any of that involved.

[Whether or not they would resort to that in the first place, of course this is better.]

[loopsbian]

None of it had to be involved! I tried to talk to her! I told you that! And she just...

[ her hands ball into fists, trembling. shaking. ]

She just wouldn't...

[ the stress of it all comes crashing down at once. arguing with chuuya. arguing with rika. lying to thanatos. it all crashes through, and her hands move to cover the obvious tears in her eyes. ]

[goatsongs]

[He should be more upset with her than he is, he knows - but that doesn't even cross his mind when he sees her cry.

Gently, he wraps his arms around her in a warm, soft hug.]

I'm here. You're not alone.