[ oda looks at chuuya, and then back towards the novels before letting out a sigh. it’s never been a matter of which one to start— he feels too tainted to even be around these books in the first place. today’s trial has only accentuated that feeling.
but chuuya doesn’t know that, and oda’s not about to make this information public either so— ]
[ being asked about the kids makes the wound feel fresh again. after a week in this place, oda thought that he could at least compartmentalize his memories and try to move on as a normal person.
but with chuuya asking, he feels the anger boiling slowly again. except now there's no mimic to take his anger out on. ]
[ there's a long silence as he hears chuuya. his mind is just white noise at this point, not really processing thoughts anymore. two years old...that was the age sakura had when he rescued her, no?
well, if he could even call that a rescue. if anything, he just doomed her to her death the moment that he took her in. ]
The oldest was eight. The youngest was four. They were five kids.
It's fine. It must be much tougher to lose a biological child.
[ oh no oda will totally admit that chuuya has it much worse. not because there's any real reason pointing towards it, but because... that's just how he is. ]
Somehow I actually felt a little relieved when Itachi said that Shiki was already dead in her world.
"It must be much tougher to" don't give me any of that, I did not come here to tell you I had it worse, I did not come here to hear that you had it worse, it's awful for both of us and we're not comparing them.
[ he glances down at his feet. while he doesn't fully believe chuuya, he'll keep that to himself, nodding on the outside. if only chuuya knew what he had been about to do before arriving here, then maybe he wouldn't be that willing to help. ]
[ that...gets him to settle down into a tense silence. chuuya's not wrong, but...does he really have the guts to affront something like that? is he brave enough to deal with the fact that the kids are dead? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Week 1, Saturday, Post-Trial
...Can't decide which one to read first?
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[ oda looks at chuuya, and then back towards the novels before letting out a sigh. it’s never been a matter of which one to start— he feels too tainted to even be around these books in the first place. today’s trial has only accentuated that feeling.
but chuuya doesn’t know that, and oda’s not about to make this information public either so— ]
I guess you could say that. What about you?
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Today I'm looking for you and not the books, actually.
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[ he blinks a couple times, visibly shocked about this??? ]
How come?
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[That she was young.]
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oda looks away, trying his best to keep his expression neutral. ]
It reminded me a little bit of something. It’s nothing to worry about.
[ he didn’t suggest threatening sasuke to make itachi speak we’re all good. ]
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[and he's enough of a hypocrite to press even when he hates being pressed himself.]
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[ there's no anger in his voice; it's a simple question ]
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[Oda's right. And Chuuya's not the right person to press. But he has to, if this is going to continue.]
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but with chuuya asking, he feels the anger boiling slowly again. except now there's no mimic to take his anger out on. ]
Does that matter so much to you?
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[But it's harder to ask about the feelings. Chuuya hates talking about feelings.]
Mine was two.
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well, if he could even call that a rescue. if anything, he just doomed her to her death the moment that he took her in. ]
The oldest was eight. The youngest was four. They were five kids.
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[The loss of one child totally destroyed him, and he never recovered. Losing five... there wouldn't be enough of him to institutionalize.]
Did they have to hold you back at the burial, too?
[Begging please don't take my child from me.]
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[ nothing like an explosion and a fire to do away with most of the remains. ]
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[there's really no saying 'who has it worse' when you're talking about your children dying.]
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[ oh no oda will totally admit that chuuya has it much worse. not because there's any real reason pointing towards it, but because... that's just how he is. ]
Somehow I actually felt a little relieved when Itachi said that Shiki was already dead in her world.
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I'm sorry?
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[so there.]
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[ he glances down at his feet. while he doesn't fully believe chuuya, he'll keep that to himself, nodding on the outside. if only chuuya knew what he had been about to do before arriving here, then maybe he wouldn't be that willing to help. ]
Yeah. You're right.
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[God, Chuuya isn't cut out for this. Why is he even here trying to have this conversation?
Because that face Oda was wearing after Shiki died was the one Chuuya saw in the mirror.]
...Even if there's not enough to bury, you can still have a funeral.
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[ it's not like expects to live for long after he's out of here. ]
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[we, as in including himself, because Oda's not going to do it by himself.]
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[He's not one to tell Oda about healthy coping mechanisms.]
But it's something you could do for them.
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[ and, from the emotionless tone in oda's voice, it sounds like a part of him died alongside those children. ]
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[but they are and he is.]
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[ that...gets him to settle down into a tense silence. chuuya's not wrong, but...does he really have the guts to affront something like that? is he brave enough to deal with the fact that the kids are dead? ]
I'll... think about it.
[ oda's not so sure. ]
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You know where you can find me, if you decide.
[But for now, he thinks he'll leave Oda alone to his thoughts... giving him one squeeze on the shoulder before he goes.]