loopsbian: (026)
satoko hojo | 北条 沙都子 ([personal profile] loopsbian) wrote in [personal profile] goatsongs 2021-03-22 06:00 pm (UTC)

Yes, that's precisely the word! "Lifeless." Like a trap with no mechanism attached.

I tried writing it to be freer at first.
It simply was more effort than it was worth.
Tanka may be an unnecessary stress, but at least with the syllable count it was easier to understand what sort of words went where.
Perhaps that's the issue?

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