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« goatsongs » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION NAKAHARA CHUUYA ✦ BUNGOU TO ALCHEMIST
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GEMBOND ✦ Amethyst

"Yo, it's Nakahara Chuuya. I'm way too busy to talk to you right now, so leave a message and I'll get back to you. Probably."

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[goatsongs]

Oh yeah, absolutely tell him that. His heart's in the right place and that's the most important thing, right?

[loopsbian]

There isn't. I'm glad you understand that.

[ it's a cruel, harsh thing to say. she feels bad just saying it. and when chuuya continues, she feels really bad. so she breathes in, and breathes out, and finally admits- ]

...I don't want to do it. [ it's hard to even say it. but once it's said, it continues to tumble out. ] I... I didn't think things would ever work out like this. Like they have here. But now that they have, I don't want to give that up.

[ her fists clench at her sides. ]

Is it so wrong to just want things to stay like this for now?

[markbearer]

That's what I've tried to tell him, but sometimes I wonder if he thinks I'm just saying that because I feel obligated to.

[goatsongs]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Anyone would rather have their important person stay with them without - any of that involved.

[Whether or not they would resort to that in the first place, of course this is better.]

[goatsongs]

You don't strike me as the kind of guy to pay lip service if you don't want to.

[markbearer]

Of course not, and he knows that too.

He just thinks too hard about stuff sometimes.

[loopsbian]

None of it had to be involved! I tried to talk to her! I told you that! And she just...

[ her hands ball into fists, trembling. shaking. ]

She just wouldn't...

[ the stress of it all comes crashing down at once. arguing with chuuya. arguing with rika. lying to thanatos. it all crashes through, and her hands move to cover the obvious tears in her eyes. ]

[goatsongs]

[He should be more upset with her than he is, he knows - but that doesn't even cross his mind when he sees her cry.

Gently, he wraps his arms around her in a warm, soft hug.]

I'm here. You're not alone.

audio;

[recry]

Nakahara-sensei.

[goatsongs]

Rika.

...Normally I'd say it's good to hear from you, but I'm going to guess things aren't going well.

[It's not a hard guess to make. Chuuya is the person Satoko goes to when she needs to run, after all.]

[recry]

How much did you know?

[ No pleasantries or preamble. Straight to business. ]

[goatsongs]

[Inhale. Exhale.]

That Satoko was responsible for the loops starting again, including your repeated deaths.

I'm sorry.

[He has no excuses.]

[recry]

Yet you didn't tell me.

You were content to let me believe that all was well.

[ Her voice is soft, though there's a touch of disdain mingled with hurt in her tone. ]

How cruel of you.

[goatsongs]

Content is a strong word.

[He hated himself every second he spoke to Rika and didn't tell her what was going on.]

Satoko still listens to me, sometimes. I thought that I could somehow get through to her as long as she still felt like she could trust me with the truth. -That's not an excuse, I know.

[recry]

No. Gleeful would be a strong word.

[ Sharp. Eviscerating. ]

I was kind in my assessment. And it is not an excuse.

I trusted you, Nakahara.

[ The first time she has referred to him without that respectful honorific. ]

[goatsongs]

You did. And I betrayed that trust.

I don't ask your forgiveness. But I'll keep trying to make her understand how cruel she's being.

[recry]

You must do as you think best, of course.

Good-bye, Nakahara.

[goatsongs]

Goodbye, Rika.

[Once again, there's a child he couldn't be good enough for.]

7/8; text ( un: penaltygames )

[penalties]

I heard from Beatrice that you've been taking care of Satoko during... everything.

[ That's the best way to say it. ]

I know it's a little out of the blue, but I wanted to thank you for doing a lot for her. It means a lot.

[goatsongs]

[Huh, this text really is out of the blue.]

It's no problem. She's important to me.

[penalties]

That's good.

She needs more people--more adults that can be important to her. And that return the favor.

[goatsongs]

I've heard a little about the other adults in her life. I'm not perfect, but I can be a hell of a lot better than that.

[penalties]

If you've heard, then I suppose I have no reason to hide it.

I don't expect anyone to be perfect. Nobody is, you know? But Satoko's never had a proper adult figure in her life. Even if I and some of the other club members might be adults now--there's definitely a distinct difference. Especially since Satoko is almost like a younger sister to me. Even if I know that I probably haven't been acting like a proper one, haha.

[goatsongs]

She still needs friends, too. Friends who understand the mistakes she's made and don't hate her for it. Don't sell yourself short.

[penalties]

I know.

I have no plans on hating her for whatever she's done. I'm certain that Satoko has her own reasons for doing it--whatever "it" is. That is why I'm willing to hear her out. But only when she's ready. I'm not going to force it out of her when she isn't.